Sup, s'been a while.

Remember all that stuff that was going on with myself and my best mate? Got worse. A whole heap worse.

I would go into it all but it's easier to just put down the basics.

Rory & I got found out, he left his girlfriend and we kind of had a thing for a while...

A thing meaning we were shagging but not together, I was the first person he ever took home to meet his family and stay at his, but we weren't together, he asked me to marry him, twice, whilst sober, but we still never ended up together.

I got sick of being told I was loved and important but never being called girlfriend so I stopped sleeping with him. Two days later, he gets back with his ex. I cut him out of my life, he sobbed and begged me not to, I stuck to my guns....

Then four days later I found out I was pregnant.

I'm now 15/16 weeks along, I've had a scan, we're going to go for adoption. I'm ok with this.

What I'm not ok with is how he's still with his girlfriend and telling me that he's not over me. He's being supportive, as I knew he would be, he's coming over when I need him, he's trying his best to hide that he's finding everyday harder around me. It's not working of course.

I still love him, I can't get over him no matter how hard I try and I can't understand why, if he still has me in his heart like he's telling me he does, why he'll never be with me....

Why?

I want to sleep and never wake up.

No amount of people telling me I'm brave, strong and worth more than I'm getting makes me feel any better.

So as you can imagine, I'm not much for the art right now.